Like waking up from deep slumber

Today, I just dropped out of grad school. Yes I am not happy about it, but it was something I know I would inevitably do in the coming days.

2010, as mentioned in my previous blog, will be a year of a major comeback for me. And unfortunately, dropping out of graduate school was one its consequences. To be honest, I didn’t imagine myself doing it this soon. Going back to school was one of my ultimate goals in my life, and the high grades I got last term were enough motivation to push me to enroll again after one term of residency.

But yes, since change is the only thing inevitable in life, I had to embrace it when it came. And you should know what changes I’ve been through lately.

While I feel a bit sad about quitting graduate school, I am looking forward to the things that are in store for me in the coming months. All the signs have conspired– my zodiac, my chinese horoscope, my wishes, my prayers granted in such a short span of time. All the signs have been overwhelming that I had to grab every opportunity so as not to miss them anymore.

The past year, I have made an awful lot of decisions that were contrary to what I really wanted for myself. I was totally blinded. I compromised my happiness, my friends, my career- in the fucking name of goddamn love. If I have to regret anything, it’s the fact that I lost a lot of things, I lost a lot of people who mattered to me. And getting them back, getting things back to the way they used to be has not been easy.

I can only do my best, right? In the end, people I’ve hurt and turned back on would inevitably decide for themselves. Everyone deserves second chances, but if I don’t get that I can’t really blame them. I understand that some hurts are just too deep to reckon.

So as I re-arrange my life and get it back, one step at a time this 2010… I am keeping in mind the things that my good friend, Nadia told me yesterday in YM.

  • Lia is not getting any younger.
  • Jumping from one career to the next is not good for my resume.
  • Decide and live up to that decision, no matter what.
  • Be cautious. (And that includes being cautious of the people you give your trust and love to)
  • Don’t be too public. Save some privacy for yourself.
  • Don’t be immature.

I have dismissed this fact because it hurts. But yes, I have really been impulsive for the most of my life. I have decided quickly in leaving jobs, de-cluttering friends and in planning my future. I have used my heart more than my mind.

I have only aged. This year, I swear I am going to grow up.


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